"One of the most important lessons that experience teaches is that, on the whole, success depends more upon character than upon either intellect or fortune."

William Edward Hartpole Lecky. Irish Historian and Essayist. 1838-1903

Dear All,

Since last writing my blog quite a few things have happened. I was served with divorce papers without any warning, which was a real shocker, but I should have known that my husband's word didn't mean anything, but It still hurt. Something good came from it when I realised that I was a lot stronger than I thought I was. I phoned him and asked him what he was doing and gave him some advice. We went out to talk and I felt as though we had made a break through but since then I realise that he uses me and is really different from the man I married.

He wanted me to sign a paper so that he could buy his dream house with her. It was so sad. I told him he must be very angry and that he had a hole in his heart that could not be filled with anything but God. When I questioned him he became passive aggressive and threatned that the negoations would stop. I was not frightened of him, and chose to sign the paper in return for something I wanted. When I signed the paper I felt that he had really chosen between us. I know that this sounds very much as though I have been living in a parrallel world, but I thought he was going to change. In my way of thinking God is the most important and life is not worth living if He is not in it. Obviously John doesn't think that. It is strange to see a person so changed. He loved the Lord. He says he still believes the same as before but he chooses not to think about it. This is so hard for me to understand or even to believe.

I also found out that she isn't even divorced yet. This also made me think that they are very suited for each other. They really don't care who they hurt or destroy they live by selfish feelings and motives.

My feelings now are that I am finally healing. This has been going on for five years. I have been married for twenty-three. We had a good marriage that I was willing to try and save. I have done my best. I have fasted and prayed. I have been patient and loving and unless he wants to change I can't do anything that will change his mind. I don't know how to believe any more. I loved him so much. When I look back I see the bad times but that is only part of our marriage. There were good times too. With time hopefully I will remember those.

I finally feel strong enough to go home and visit friends and family which I am really excited about. It will be hard to see where I grew up with him but it is time. My daughter hasn't been home since she was eight and she is now fifteen. She needs to rediscover her roots and so do I. I will see family and friends some don't know what has happened but hopefully I can tell my story without tears. We will wait and see.

My divorce care class has been a tremendous help in steering me in the right path and helping to explain and answer some questions. Their support has been so valuable. The church I found has been such a blessing. They love me and support me. I have even been asked to join the worship team. Who would have thought, I love to worship as it grows your relationship with God. God has as always been my strength and my hope. I feel I can see a light and future in my life.

I laugh and feel happier than I have done for many years. I passed my final exam to become a high school teacher, so can begin to look for a full time job. I feel stronger with God's help I can do all things and conquor all adversity. There is changes but they will work out for good as God has great plans for my life, and as I put my trust in Him I don't have to be afraid or worry, as He is in charge of my future.